I’m not good at asking for help. Or admitting when I need help, even. I don’t like it. I don’t want it. I’ve got this. Now get out of my way and let me do the damn thing. I’ve always been that way, even as a kid. I’m sure my parents will back me up on this one; “fiercely independent,” is a term I’ve heard thrown around often in regards to my childhood. I am capable. I am strong. I am resourceful and smart. I will figure it out.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like giving help. Like, a lot. I LOVE to help other people. Helping people is awesome. But when it comes to receiving help myself, well, I suck at it. I’d rather do things by myself. Always, always, always. Group projects, no. Committees, double no. Give me that solo job, every time.
I think maybe some part of me, deep down, believes that if I can’t manage to do something on my own, maybe I shouldn’t be taking it on in the first place. I realize there are a whole lot of flaws in that theory, and I’m working on it, trust me, but there it is. I know for a fact that these thoughts have limited me from things I’ve wanted to do at times, especially creatively, and I’m committed to not only working on it for myself, but also trying to teach my son how to be better. I mean, we’re all in this together, right?
As you can imagine, this issue has gotten a bit complicated as I’ve stepped in to motherhood. There are times when you just need somebody else around. Even if I’m bad at asking for it, sometimes I still need help. I’ve not ever been super keen on leaving my little guy, or needing a “break” away from him per say, but I do really appreciate it when someone comes alongside and just helps to shoulder the burden. Not the burden of being a mother, simply the burden of having to make all your own 1,457 decisions a day, plus another little person’s. Regardless of what kind of day you’ve had, whether naps go well, meals are easy and you manage to avoid all the bumps and bruises (and tears) that come with this toddler stage, it’s still just really exhausting to make all those choices, all day long. And maybe, if you’re like me, question your choices a time or two, adding to the load. It’s so nice when somebody stops in for a bit, shows interest in my little buddy and lets me step back, take a breath and appreciate everything I have.
All that to say, I’ve really been looking forward to our annual trip to Godfrey’s Nursery with Nana. It’s always fun to go do things with Emmett, but even more fun when someone else comes along! I think this is actually the fourth or fifth year in a row that we’ve gone, and I just love our little tradition. Last year, Emmett was a teeny guy and Nana wore him around in the Ergo, but this year he was raring to go and explore the place. Even though it was spitting rain the whole time, we had a really lovely afternoon together. Nana always seems to know people everywhere we go, and it’s fun for this proud mama to watch her show off her grandson. And have I mentioned the light in those greenhouses!? So dreamy. I’m not sure which I spent more time doing; taking photos or grabbing flowers. Emmett was cool with it though, as long as he got to dig in the dirt.
Speaking of digging in the dirt, after finishing Cut Flower Garden and absolutely bursting with inspiration, I’d made quite a long list of plants I wanted to try in the yard this year, and to my surprise, managed to find most of them! They haven’t all made it into the ground yet as my yard is literally a mud hole, but I’m hoping to get them all in this weekend.
Does anybody else out there have a hard time asking for help? If you don’t, share your secrets with me. And send some sunshine my way, while you’re at it!